I don't know why but tears just trickled without any reason. Perhaps I cared too much, perhaps I compared too much, I am evil and unfair, I know. But I just can't help it. And demanding too. I just want to have lunch together, I just want to spend time together. I am trying to hold myself back but it seems not to be working. I feel vulnerable. Or perhaps I am just plain possessive. I am trying not to be like this because to me, it just means I am caring more about you and that my feelings for you is growing, I just feel very very vulnerable. I'm not trying to contain my feelings, I am just trying to protect myself. Argh~ I don't know..I am very selfish, I have to admit but that's me. I was very very disappointed when we couldn't have lunch together. But of course it cheered me up when you made the effort to accompany me for lunch. But then again, what I wanted is not that. I want to eat the beef noodle, I want to try the steam fish restaurant that you said you wanted to bring me to before you move. I just want to do things that we have never done together before you leave. I am too proud to say this out loud, I am too proud to beg, to ask you to have lunch with me, I am just too proud to make myself look too dependent on you...you are leaving, that's all to it.
All these jumbled feelings make me miss home, back to where I am the safest, I am loved and cared for. I don't need material or present to show that I am loved, or to be impressed. I am well-impressed and charmed by you already, if not, I wouldn't be so head over heels with you. I... I just don't think I am good enough for you. I am bad and evil to have all these thoughts. I am being very very unfair to you when the thought 'why she got to have lunch with you last time and I don't now!' flashed through my mind everytime I was declined lunch with you. I am selfish to wish you go my way. I am trying not to be like that. I am trying real hard. I am trying not to be so emo.
I believe I am having PMS...sorry...
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