First, I can't Maple! Reasons?! DON'T KNOW!!! BSOD everytime I started it. Tried to update the driver like last time, still the same. Monday was fine till Tuesday, there was a server check and cash shop update and Tuesday night, I couldn't log in at all. Normally, if once or twice BSOD, the third time I should be able to log in, either that or I tried between the two Maple shortcuts on the desktop. Haih.. tried lots of methods. Gonna clean the RAM and swap places like Eugene suggested, if not working, then gonna uninstall and reinstall a new Maple, cos Gaik Hi said it might due to the Karpersky updates that it detected corrupted files in Maple and hence blocked it. And the last resort would be reformatting and go back to basic. Haih... I am quite down about that, cos suddenly I felt I have nothing to do, so void. Gaik Hi told me it was just time to get a life. Hello, Mersing? Life? Errr..I would never step out of the house after what happened on Tuesday morning.
Tuesday, I went to get my car to work, when I entered the car I noticed some leaflet was stuck to my windshield. Upon inspection, it was full with porns!! With some chinese words on it. Kinda like advertising the girl can do some good blowjob or something. Ewwwww...I didn't waste much time translating it, picked it up with my 2 fingers and threw it on the ground and sped off. Felt my fingers were contaminated. Talk about OCD, I washed my hands quite a few times. I just hate this kind of stuffs. Why can't they stop harassing me?! Urgh~!! I was soooo scared and worried that my car or me was being targeted, I mean who wouldn't know the Chinese pharmacist at hospital Mersing? I was the ONLY Chinese pharmacist here! And it's such a small town, everyone knows where everyone lives, and just a glance at my car would tell you the driver is a girl. And when the time I needed some assurance that I am safe and you are here with me or that I could count on you or something, you told me I was just being paranoid!? Huh?! Even just words soothed me, I know you can't be here physically or protect me but at least some hope?
Now that I cannot Maple, I seriously don't know what to do.. I mean there are lots of things I can do but I don't want to do lots of things, the only thing I want to do is to Maple and level with you. Don't you get it? I don't need your words to get me out of here. I don't want marriage and I don't want to get married, at least not now. I don't want you to come to Mersing to be with me either. But again, at least some words of reassurance that I would get out of here soon, not 'not so soon dear'. That hurt a little. I know it's the truth but 'not so soon'???? You could at least say 'soon, dear, soon' or 'tahan.... 9 more months to go' or 'hey the next PRP batch coming out would July' or 'don't stress, I'm here waiting for you every weekend' (not every but most).
Haih...it's my bad. I mean I was just ranting away and you just blurted something true and it stung a little. Especially the part where you actually took leave from 29th-31st instead of 27th. I have expected this to happen, I mean you taking 29th-31st. But still the news was devastating. Ok maybe I was a little overreacting. But why didn't you tell me earlier? I told you back last month that I took 27th off and we would go Sg on 26th and you didn't say much about your plan. You just said ok, I would try to get it. Now, I have taken the leave, planned what to do on 26th and then only you told me you took 29-31 and not 27th. I knew it was important for you to go to that gathering, you should have at least told me earlier, instead of agreeing to everything I have planned. Then I wouldn't have made dinner plans on 26th, instead I could have made plans on 25th. Ahhh...I know you didn't want me to get jealous or anything, that was why you didn't tell me your plans. I can't deny I am not, she used to be your crush anyway. And I don't want to stop you from going to that annual gathering of yours, I know it's very IMPORTANT. But please don't hide anything from me. Yes, I will be jealous, but it's always an overnight jealousy kind of thing. I'll be ok the next day. Like my cousin said, I have an auto self-protecting thingy, I always look for reasons to look things positively just to protect myself, to make myself believe the good and positive of things even though they don't look good at all all. So, I can handle myself. And I trust you, believe whatever you say.
Aih..I just want to rant, rant and rant.. I am not good with telling people things face to face, telling what I think and feel face to face especially rantings or complaints or things that don't make me feel good, cos I can't bear to see you hurt. I am not good verbally, afraid that I might be too blunt. All I can do, is to write down how I feel and then burn it. Sorry that you read it here.
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