urgh!!!

Urgh!!! I just had a two-day quarrel with Kelvin. Over a bitch! Damn dulan! I told him damn freaking many times d I don't like him to go out with her alone. OK not even in a group! I just don't like! And imagine that I just came back from a road trip with her. Urgh!! During the trip, I just felt sooooo self-conscious that I didn't even dare to hold onto Kelvin's hand. Why!? Cos I felt like a third party for splitting the two of them up! And I even caught the two of them taking pictures together! Not that I am against them two taking picture together but I AM AGAINST THEM TAKING PICTURE WITH KELVIN'S HAND ON HER WAIST!!! That's not called BUDDY!! My ASS!! As a girl, and still single, you should know to stay clear and what you should do and shouldn't at the presence of the girlfriend! I didn't see her do that to PCK even though his gf was not there and PCK also didn't do that to her. They were not even touching. I shudder to think what could have happened behind me. Then I guessed it that she would ask Kelvin out on these two days! And it turned out to be true. She asked him out to CC yesterday! Till 1am! And I thought hanging out at CC was our thing and now it has become not-our-thing anymore. Of course I am angry, sad, jealous and frustrated! Cos he sounded so happy to go to CC with her. It just makes me feel that I can't fulfill his needs till he has to find someone else to fulfill it. As a single girl, she shouldn't have asked Kelvin out alone too. It's as if she just didn't care that he's already attached. It makes me think that she's trying to get her hands on him. Kelvin kept saying that they were friends and asked me why I don't see a guy and a girl being close friends. Of course a girl and a guy can be close friends if either the guy is a gay or the girl is lesbian. And today, ok it was my fault to accused him for lying about his working time till 7pm but the FriendFinder said he was at Taman Bukit Teh so of course I would have suspected, right! After all those reasoning and thinking trying to point out my view subtly without saying that she's a bitch, I feel pathetic with myself. For bringing myself so low, lacing every sentence with apology when Kelvin should apologize too for making me feel unsecured and threatened but he just didn't care. And what hurt me most was he said apologize also no use and that I was not sincere at all. FINE with me! Me being this weak and threatened makes me want to puke. I feel sooo disgusted and pathetic of myself. Like mom said, what's mine is mine, what's not will never be mine. And what has been done, cannot be undone, we will just have to prevent it in the future.