happy new 2011 year!!

Yup!! It's already 2011!! Time flies!!! It's been 1 year++ I am here in Johore!! And yes, a new year, a new start and new resolutionS!!! LOL!!! Unfulfilled resolutions!! Reading back the old resolution posts, I have to laugh at myself, they were all sooo funny. I was soooo happy-go-lucky back then but now all my posts have been filled with sadness and anger and not many happy posts. What's happening to me? So my 2011 New Year resolution(s) would be:

1. I don't want to cry as much and easily anymore
-This just mean that I am going to steel my heart...I hope not too steely though...I just want to be stronger..

2. Be happier and look more on the bright side

3. Be considerate, think before I do, think before I speak, so that I don't regret

Let's talk about celebration. This year is not much celebration either. First, Kelvin 'dumped' me for his Japanese gang gathering in KL. Then, no celebration for his Birthday and also New Year. Well, I just have to get over it, don't I? Thinking about it just makes my heart crack more and louder. Of course, after much crying and throwing tantrums alone, I gathered myself and thought of a way not to go through the last day of 2010 alone. Plus the Government just announced that 31st December was a public holiday cos Malaysia won the football match, Suzuki Cup or something. Haih..I was sooo devastated. Yes, disappointed with the PH! I thought if I have work, at least I wouldn't get any sadder or madder. I texted Yuan Hui and told her that I was thinking of shopping in Kluang since JB was not a choice as Kelvin was not there. And she was kind enough to offer me to celebrate New Year with her family. I really love her for that!! And there I was hitting the road right after Methadone oncall from Endau all the way to Kluang. Had lunch, then shopped till I dropped. LOL!! I made myself pay everything in cash cos my credit card has already hit 4 digits. Then, at night after playing with her baby, we went out to yum cha..sate babi, fried chicken wings, otak-otak and ikan panggang and sotong panggang. Yummy~~ Till 11pm++. I felt bad for her husband, Er Shien cos accompanied the two Siao Pos sitting there chatting non-stop. He was bored to death. Sorry... Then at night we continued gossiping till 1am. It was sooo nice catching up with her, updating her on the latest news and vice versa. Thanks Yuan Hui!! You made my day!! Muacks~!!

Now that I am back, everyone thought I was with Kelvin celebrating and when I said no ar..I am alone, everyone thought we had problems. =.=||| Maybe it was only MY problem. I felt a lot better after chatting with my brother 2 nights ago and throwing tantrums on him. He made me realize things. For that I am really grateful. Then, just now, my heart was back on FIRE cos it crossed my mind that it was Kelvin's FIRST birthday with me and we did not celebrate it together. Even though we had the cake on Christmas as his be-earlied Birthday, it turned out to be a disaster. He just didn't understand that it was a special day to me, maybe not to him, and it was just very important to me to celebrate with him. Ok, since he doesn't really like to hear the word 'celebrate' cos maybe to him, it meant going to countdown and all, so I shall use 'SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER'. All I ask for was NOT going out and crammed with people, it was not what I want either, all I want was to just stay at home, spend some QUALITY time together as he's always busy working, just read up some storybooks in bed or watch movies or just Maple side by side. Perhaps, I am not as important to him as his friends to him and he is to me, or his feelings for me is not as strong as me to want to spend time together. Dah la last year we couldn't celebrate my FIRST Birthday with him. Maybe it's just fated that we don't spend our FIRST Birthday together kua.. Oh I don't know... I just knew that I was soooooooo angry just now that I could feel the ANGER Hmmmm..... eating me inside out and made me want to make him kneel down and beg for forgiveness while I tie him down and shout all my feelings out. Phew~ It was soooooooo sadistic. Huuuh....It's already over anyway. One thing for sure is that I don't understand why the gathering must last 4 days not 1 or 2 days? And what I beh syok was that he got to go shopping in KL at Sg Wang, Midvalley etc while last time when we went to KL, our time was fully booked till no time to at least window-shopping a bit. Alright, alright, it's time to stop wallowing in sadness and anger and self-pity. Get a life!!!