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My head is blank. As in blank blank. Blank like a piece of untarnished white A4 paper. The difference is that A4 paper is readily to be tainted by colours, words etc. but mine is rejecting every single thing I am trying to write on. What a f**king A4 paper my brain is.

Another feeling of dread assaulted me. I met an acquaintance, a friend's mother. Like usual, with the elderly, we talked about studies. She commented that I was a bright girl and must have scored better than my brother. Lol.. Should I be proud? I don't think so. Without hesitation, I brushed off the remark and added my brother was a lot better than I. It's unbelievable that even a stranger I barely know, could have such high expectation of me. I can't blame them. Well, I guess it's all thanks to my previous achievements. They were so colourful. But now, it has all deteriorated. Such a disgrace to my previous achievements. And definitely a taint in the family. Even a close one, Gaik Hi said that it was so unexpected of me. Sigh.. Always expect the unexpected from me, honey. It's really a burden to me, that everyone has the same HUGE expectation of me. I don't think I can live up to their expectations. I want to run away to somewhere far, curl up in a ball and hide there forever. There's always a suicidal thought seeping into my brain while I am trying my best to memorize the notes and at the same time the expectation from others clashes with the notes. Well, the little devil is just soo cute to keep reminding me that the balcony is just a few steps to my right and just a small push, ta-da. Walao.. meanwhile the little angel with her waning little whisper reminds me of my parents and taking my life is not worth it. If I can't pass this paper, I can just repeat it next year with the juniors, it can be a bit embarrassing but there are a lot more embarrassing stuffs I have done before. Sigh.. Let them fight..I wish to lead a peaceful life.. Indeed I have chosen the wrong path for the first time in my life. Curiosity has made me choose the path not taken and it might as well kill the cat.