fond? like? love?

Is fond=like=love? The dictionary says fond is "Having a strong liking, inclination, or affection"; like is "To find pleasant or attractive; enjoy" and love is "A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance". Thesaurus says 'like' can be 'fond' too.

I prefer to use 'like' when you want to confess to someone and 'fond' when you are attracted to a person and that you enjoy his/her company but without the thought of making him/her yours. 'Love' will eventually come from 'like' that will be only visible when you are sure of your 'like' for that certain someone. Therefore, all the things I did, the confessions, the relationship I had before were all mere fondness. I just realized how foolish I was to be jealous, to be wishing, to be dreaming, thinking that I like a person. I was not only foolish but I was immensely childish in this matter and that I am in no position to be advising people what to do with their love life, whether they should let go or pursue. I am just a baby after all.

Therefore, all the while I am not ready at all, for anything. All the jealousy I have felt, the hatred, the indignation were all just an act of childishness. I always speak of Gaik Hi, Jason(both), Vishnu, Alvin, Izan, Chuan Poh, Guo Zang and many other guys, doesn't mean that I like them. The 'like', I mean, as in making them mine. I just enjoy their presence, their company, the way they make me laugh, make me feel I'm someone, the topic we discussed, the way we teased each other. Yes, I have, a lot of times, thought that I like Gaik Hi and even confessed, and indeed then at that time, there might be a hint of 'like' but most are just curiosity. I guess he knew it. (There was only one who made my heart jump just by the thought of seeing him, again, that was another act of childishness.) I may look like a slut and a bitch to you, it is because you can't accept me for who I am. I am not only fond of guys but also girls. Does this make me a lesbian or a bi? No, I don't think so.

Well, I may look like I am running away from my feelings again. Do I? I can give a positive answer that I am not, instead, I am just turning it the other way round, clarifying the cloud in my heart. Therefore, about my heart raining, it never has. It was just a rush of confused feeling. I have been lost long, veiled by the cloud of jealousy and indignation. It is indeed the time for me to snap out of this long daydream and continue to be myself, the one I love. I am who I am after all and noone knows myself better than me. Noone..

The context above is just the way I see 'love', 'like' and 'fond'. You can always have your own.



p/s: the PMS is looming, that makes me think a lot..