changes..

sigh..i always talk about changing, but i never see myself change. when?? when will i be able to take the first step??? i find myself deeply flawed. they are all over me-physically, emotionally, mentally and in my attitude too!! the way i carry myself is already a big fault.. my childish attitude, the way i talk, the way i act to have every spotlight on me. i do admit i am a drama queen, a very OVER DRAMA QUEEN, a possessive one too!!! the way i talk too, it's like what my mom always says 'never go through the big brain', it is indeed true. the way i talk is very childish and laughable. and my body never acts the way my heart tells it to, it's like my body has a brain of itself. when my heart wants to recoil and gets cover in my shell, my body will act differently, thinking that that way will be the best move to take cover. i always expect others to help me in my process but i know it is not by others' help that i can change, it is all me. i love to stay in a quiet corner and be deep in thought or read, but it seems that the image etched into everyone's mind is the other me. i guess the quiet me can just stay as my alter ego. oh...how? i should stop...sigh..i want to say more but i should not..i should stop and think.