Oh, how I wish that I could fast-forward to see my future using the remote control from 'Click' so that I could see who I am in the future and who I am with. I dislike pondering about it now, about my future and worrying about it especially regarding who my the other half is. I just want to emphasize that the future now is giving me insecurity and I hate that. One reason is probably that I don't have the confidence in what I am pursuing. The other reason might be about the person bugging my mind. Who? I don't know either or maybe I don't want to acknowledge it. But then again, like in 'Click', fast-forwarding to the future will only bring disasters and I would miss all the fun as I wouldn't know where to stop. That was the down part. While the up part is that I could miss all the bad days, the quarrels, the sad moments, the embarrassments and of course, the period. Think again, missing all these will mean that I am missing all the fun in this world too. Call me sadist, I just love to see people quarrel (as in me the audience not the participant) and I love to debate with people when I know something more than they do and as long as I get the facts straight as well (I wonder how many times do I get to do this with my limited brain).
How I wish I don't look that tough. I just told my friend that I would cry if I couldn't finish studying. She was surprised that I would cry about it. Yeah, maybe to those geniuses, it is a trivial thing but to me, it is like doomsday. Well, this is a BIG secret!!! Yes, I love to cry and tears are free to flow down whenever they want to. I have no restrictions, rules, whatsoever to hold them back. They are a part of me,yes, yet independent and can stand for themselves. I have cried in the middle of the road before so yes, I do look tough but I am not as you perceive. Probably it is the way I portray myself that makes people think I am tough and that is why everyone think I can work and do things like a man. I can't and I am very conservative as I prefer man to help and protect the ladies.
How I wish that my tears don't flow so easily. Oh..I am such a crybaby. Last time, when I got a B, I cried. Think that was funny and it was ok? How about now? Everytime I watch a movie, I cry, doesn't matter it ends with a happy ending or a sad ending. Not only movies, I cry even for a book, a short story, a comic, an anime, a person, a thought, a dream, past etc. As long as there is a story, I cry. Try asking Yee Chiun and my brother, they would laugh their ass off telling you about it. I have even cried once at Green Box in Sg Wang over a Korean song MV. A very sad one. Everyone was aghast. My tears fall whenever they like and never think of the owner or the people staring. Again they have their own freewill.
How I wish what I wish would come true. There are a lot more that I wish but I need to retire for the night.
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