small and insignificant...

Do I seem to be small and insignificant like what we learned in SPSS? Am I really that confined in my own world or blog? That I need not know what is happening or has happened around me? Or I have put too much thought in the matter that I look like a speck of dust?

Is it that I don't know much about Chinese or the so-called perfect culture or that I am not a Chinese-educated that is why I can't click with my surroundings? Or is it I am too sarcastic to be paid attention on? Am I still not worth enough to be trusted on so-called important matters? Am I not amiable enough after all what I have done(I should ask myself what have I done enough)? Haven't I shown enough responsibility?

The perfect culture? People practise it no more. Practise or not, what means the most is what mentioned from the heart.

I do admit that sometimes I am sarcastic, hurtful and stingy on knowledge(as if I know a lot when in fact what I know is just the size of a speck of dust) and that sometimes there is a leak of info, but because I trust, that is why the leakage. But who believes me? Who trusts me? When all the while I have been holding onto the belief that I will get the trust as long as I trust(what goes around comes around). But what have I got in the end for trusting? Backstabbing, blames and more secrets and out-dated news? I am not begging to be the first to lay my hand on a piece, I just wish that I am not the last or after it has been labelled OUT-DATED. At least I have tried my best to guide though noone respected and even some hated.

Again and again I ask myself the same questions and there comes no answers. And in the end I can only ask myself an unanswered question: is it worth? I do not know the answer; sometimes, I try to console myself, it is worth; sometimes, it is not. But being a cat I am, I prefer to fulfill my curiosity though I know it will kill me in the end. When it does slice through, I find that it is not worth at all when it is all already too late. Too late...

Yes, I love to live in here when I can write what I think and feel that is hard to be expressed verbally. Yes, I have a very sensitive heart..