devastated...

i am so devastated with my life..
even if they don't say they hate me
i can feel the hatred emanated from them
or the dislike cocooning them
nobody talks to me online
or drops by just to say hi and bye
they just appear offline
whenever they see my name pop online
and their reason is as simple as they don't want to be bugged
all i ever ask is someone to be my sponge
or someone to notice my existence
just to be remembered if i am ever lost from this universe
though my words and action may hurt like a bee sting
or kill like a venom
it just means that
i am not perfect
and never will be
i am a perfectionist
but it does not mean i am a 'miss perfect'
just that i am improving myself to be better
i am loud, clear and outspoken
i can laugh like a madwoman
i can also cry like a broken dam
i easily feel sorry for very little thing
i am also easily grateful with very subtle gesture
i can be hurt with just a tiny word
though i try not to
i just can't help it
when my threshold is always this low
to me patience is never a virtue
but impatience is something i try to kill
forgiveness is something i can give
but memory is not something i can let slip
as time passes by
as life moves on
it will be history

p/s: PMS