high demand

I don't dislike working at the current department I am at, in fact, I look to get some projects to keep my hand busy instead of nodding off at the table. It's just that the thought of being asked WHY by K makes me dread the time. He just loves to ask WHY which is hard to answer by my standard (probably to others, it will be as easy as ABC). And today, he flipped, not because of me, but ON me.

He was in a very good mood when he got in, he joked and greeted the chemist. I was given a task yesterday to test the best way to mix water, propylene glycol and benzyl alcohol without getting a cloudy solution. It will be cloudy if you add more than 3ml of water to the mixture of 5g propylene glycol and 1g benzyl alcohol. They are all miscible, just weird that the solution turns out cloudy. And K asked me why and I was supposed to know it. WTH! How do I know why!?!! Anyone can tell me why? I tested a few ways, got my answers and was asked to prepare a report. =.= That was that. He gave the technician a project to prepare a cream. There were propylene glycol, benzyl alcohol and water in the formulation, he asked me to comment on step 4 and 5. That was what I heard but the technician heard the order as "call me at step 4 and 5". Being the less experienced, I said ok. At about 9am, he phoned someone to look up the way to apply cream on the skin and guessed what, that fella, either stupid or deaf, couldn't even interpret his order and K ended up calling him three times and getting the wrong information each time! When we were at step 4 and 5, the technician called him.

He came to the bench, flipped the worksheet and asked me impatiently why I didn't comment on it. Loss of word, I blinked and "huh?!" I was about to open my mouth and he cut me short,

"It's too late to comment!!"

WTH!!

Then he asked the technician,

"Are the calculations correct?"

The technician was surprised and said,

"Oh, I weighed with her." Pointing at me though I was just sitting there watching her weighing the ingredients.

"Why didn't you (me) sign ('certified by' column)? And check the ingredients are correct?"

Surprised, "Am I supposed to? I didn't know that. I thought it was-" Wanted to continue that it was supposed to be signed by him or L, not a trainee, me.

"If you don't know, you should ask!!" With that, he walked off.

He then phoned the bloody fella and got the information he wanted. After a while when the cream was about to be done, he walked to the bench and asked for my comment. Now, do you see what I am trying to state here? Well, I just felt indignant for being told off for some mistakes I didn't do. Not that I didn't want to ask, his response to my questions just put me off all the time. Whenever I ask him a question, he just seems so eager to get back to his screen. And I still remember his statement on the first day,

"If you don't know, ask! We are never busy for you.."

Hmmm.... Are you sure?

He does answer my questions and they are normally replied by "WHY" and "That's what you are supposed to find out". *faint* How am I supposed to know why the mixture is cloudy? Am I supposed to look at the chemical equation? Or what? Give me some clues, please!

K is really a genius and a great Pharmacist but I am just an inexperienced student with a low-grade mind who scores badly in her exams most of the time. He expects me to think like him. Tsk-tsk.. I think the others deserve to be in the R&D department more than me as I am just wasting the chance though being in the R&D is what I want. I even had to ask the others to help me review the formulations and the opinions I gave him were all from Eng Wee, Yee Chiun and Avon and also Chuan Poh (even the junior is a lot more better than me). *sigh* I don't know.. I always have the feeling that I have done something wrong and am so incapable when someone gets mad for something what I have or have not done. Like I have lost his trust and there won't be any projects for me to do in the future. I don't know..I just don't want to make anyone mad at me. If I were to complain about this, I am going to get the response "NOONE is PERFECT".

This just shows that K has high demand of his staffs and I have high demand of myself too. I end up being a timid person around him.

First day there, we were brought around the factory. When we were at the R&D, K and L greeted us. He seemed amiable and that my friends all said that I was so lucky to get into R&D, K seemed good, talkative type bla..bla..bla... First glance, I kinda had guessed what type of person he was. Let's just call it lady's instinct or sixth sense or whatever. I turned around and said my favourite 7-word idiom "Don't judge a book by its cover" though I was doing just so. And my perception turned out to be true. He is not bad, he smiles when you talks to him except it never touches his eyes and he doesn't make eye contact with you (I don't need him to stare, just an acknowledgment is enough even though I am not as bright). It's really my luck and a great opportunity to be able to learn from him. I just want to say that I don't really like the pressure I give myself to meet his demand, that's all. Don't take me wrong, he is not a bad person or mean, he just loves you to look for the answers yourself and not rely on others which I am just the opposite. He doesn't give a dateline for any works he gives me but I just want to show my capability, that's why I am pressuring myself...*sigh*