crybaby...

There is a sudden need to cry now. And it is weird that it is at such hour-1.30am..you must be kidding me. It's probably because I didn't cry when I read TRC the other day, counteracting it with Host Club. It rushed to me when I accidentally clicked on one of the saved pages. I saw how Sakura shatters into sakura in the arms of Shaoran, how she tells him that she loves him but doesn't get to finish "I love y.." and she just disappears into a hurricane of sakura petals. My heart shatters with it too. How...why can't two souls so deeply in love, so longingly for each other's touch, fighting for the same future, be together? And only death lets them meet again.

Again and again I have told myself to stop reading this type of manga that leaves me frustrated and not understanding love more than I already do. So frustrated that I wanted so badly to grab a pencil and draw them together, just trying to give them an alternate future. I just realize that by being a mangaka is just like being a god myself, controlling the characters' fates and making a story out that I want to live badly. That's why I am always falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of wishing to lead the characters' lives. Keep asking myself if I could lead a life so interesting like them (with all the bishies, of course). They are so many of them that I want till I don't know, even if I have the chance, which is the best for me. I have always tried to detach myself from something like that but it seems that I am always a step too late and the tears just trickle down.

EVEN IF WE ARE JUST CREATIONS...
WE ARE JUST THE SAME...
IF THOSE TWO KEEP ON LIVING...
IT... WON'T END...
I... LOVE Y...

But why...is it true that true love won't be happily ever after like the children's bedtime stories?