When I am left out of something fun, I pretend to sulk about it when in fact I am not as sad as I portray, again I love to act. It's just that I feel indignant as I have always asked my friends to have fun with me but why am I left out on something fun done by them especially when I am the one who introduce them the fun?
Will acting like this cost me a lot? Especially people around me. When I pretend to sulk, people think that I really sulk so they will soothe me and when I get the attention, I act more and more feeding on people's attention. In the end, it ends up being the real sulk. And people will think that I am very serious when in fact I am too playful to act something out in order to attract attention.
I am being very mean and sarcastic by teasing people and talking about people unconsciously. It's a way for me to get attention. Now, why do I want to get so much attention? Why do I want to have people around me? Because I don't want to be alone, let alone die alone.
When I have something fun in mind, I suggest to a lot of people and invite them to join me not because I want to teach them new things or to have fun together, I ask because I just want someone to play with me, to create and share the memory, to accompany me. This is when I become mean and sarcastic. When people can't fulfill what I want, I become mean and tease people and become hurtful…
Now that I have said all this, I feel so vulnerable…but I just feel that I need to tell in order to clear things up. And all in all I just love to act…such a DRAMA QUEEN
Monday, September 3, 2007
being mean and sarcastic
Me being mean and sarcastic? I have been like this for a long time. I feel more so for the past few months. I have become extra sensitive and hurtful. I don't like to wait for people and I prefer punctuality. Thus I tend to throw tantrums whenever people come late. I know I have to hold back myself but I never can because I love to act. I love to act to get sympathy. Not real sympathy but more to like care. I love people to ask how I am and that way I feel cared. Ok now, I have admitted and recognized it, what should I do?
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2 comments:
oh my god!i used to take it seriously when in fact u were jz acting it out!!!like u said, too much of sth is bad, so if u draw too much attention to urself, it can be detrimental.hold ur "mean and sarcastic" self back, it may be better.not that i don't like ur way of "playing" with things, but not all people can accept it....to some people, ur acting like this may make u appear like a spoilt, yelling child who jz wants to get a piece of chocolate from her parents...hehe...
sometimes u just need to evaluate yourself.. you cannot expect people to give you 100% attention or care all the time..good luck.
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